The Will Scarlet Factor

I have what I like to call the "Will Scarlet Factor".

Cheesily, it's based on a line from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, and I can so hear Kevin Costner's drawly anything-but-British accent saying it to this day:

Did I wrong you in another life, Will Scarlet?
The whole scene was based on Robin trying to figure out why Will harbored such a dislike for him. And of course, it turns out that Will was his illegitimate brother. Well, I'm nobody's illegit broheme, but that line has stuck in my head because sometimes, sometimes...

I can't like someone and I don't know why.
I feel bad about this, but I've come to the conclusion that sometimes, you're going to encounter people who rub you the wrong way, and there's just nothing you can do about it.

My problem is, usually when I have that kind of instantaneous reaction, the person turns out to be a world-class jerk. Having this kind of strange ability to "see" beyond the veneer is disturbing. It gives me anxiety and fills me with self-doubt.

What if I'm wrong?
I would love to say that I have been mistaken on so many occasions that I can't trust myself. But my perceptions are usually pretty accurate. And this sometimes sucks.

For instance, many moons ago my friend-forever Barry had just started dating Marissa. He was pretty excited to have me meet her, and asked me over for pizza and beer with them. I looked at Marissa and saw a lovely girl with pretty eyes and a quick, friendly smile. But when I "saw" Marissa, I felt like I was witnessing a train wreck. There was something very wrong going on under the surface, but I ate my pizza and smiled as sweetly as possible. What I really wanted to do, though, is lift up her hair and see if "666" appeared anywhere on her scalp.

Then came the, "So... heyyy... heyyy... what do you think? She's awesome, huh? Huhhhh?"

And I continued to smile sweetly. And I wish I hadn't. Within six months, Marissa had maxed out Barry's credit cards, cheated on him several times, and wrecked his car. One day, while he was at work, she hightailed it outta Dodge with all of his shoes. Yes. I wish I was kidding. (It was sad, too, because Barry had some awesome shoes. He had Prada.)

That's not to say that I have an automatic "like" for people either. In all honesty, I'm a little wary of everyone. Really, I only have a couple of friends that I liked instantly and without reservation. Truthfully, some of the people I consider my closest friends weren't people I immediately adored. But there was something there. Take my friend Jeff. When I first met him, I thought he was just okay, but I noticed at second glance that he had kind eyes, so I knew he was a good egg. And my friend Candy... she was a spicy little spitfire that I met in kindergarten. I was a little intimidated by her, truth be told, but there was something about her fiery sense of humor that just made me want to know her more. And we are friends to this day (and she's still, happily, a spicy little spitfire).

But if someone gives me that "ick" feeling, it takes everything I've got to push that aside and try to make things work (as is evidenced by my marriageorlackthereof). Like back in high school, I tried very hard to be friends with Jill, mainly because... get ready for it... she was Barry's girlfriend. (Poor Barry. What a cruddy track record.) I was glad when she finally put a lunch bag full of dog poop in Barry's locker and he broke it off. And then there was my mom's friend Ellie, who made me cringe at the mere sight of her. She wound up moving out of state to stalk her ex-boyfriend. Okayyy...

Honestly, I wish I didn't suffer from the Will Scarlet Factor. I wish I could just merrily like everyone and take things at face value and, when I find myself disappointed by someone, move on. The knowing is the hardest part. The knowing that Robin will, indeed, shoot an arrow through my hand. The waiting for the other Prada shoe to drop, if you will.